How to Tell Your Parents That You Want to Get Mental Health Help

As per worldwide health statistics, about 1 in 8 individuals go through mental health problems. However, many still postpone or avoid completely getting professional help. One of the most frequent reasons for this is the fear of the family’s reaction, especially the parents. 

In many families, emotional distress is still being misunderstood, downplayed, or regarded as something that one can just get over. This difference between one’s feelings and what one thinks one is permitted to say can turn into a separate kind of burden.

For many people, the hardest aspect of seeking mental healthcare is not locating a doctor or a therapist. It’s summoning the courage to tell their parents. The fear before expressing!

Most people are not skipping this talk because they don’t desire help. They are avoiding it because of what it may cost them emotionally. There’s guilt. I have a roof, food, and education. Why am I still struggling? There’s fear.

What if they don’t understand? What if they think I’m weak or ungrateful? And there’s a silent terror of letdown. Of being viewed as someone who couldn’t handle life. These emotions don’t indicate that you’re doubting. They indicate that you truly care about your parents’ opinion and love.

When parents deny, minimise, or react with anger, it often hurts more than if they had been silent. However, many such behaviors stem from fear, not lack of care.

One cause of parental fear is social judgment. They might be afraid that the problem is very serious. They may also feel powerless or blame themselves. Some might not have the words to describe emotional pain because they were never taught about it.

So, instead of receiving the message, I’m struggling, they end up thinking, I failed as a parent. Or, my child is broken. Of course, this doesn’t justify the hurt that parents may cause to their children.

However, it does shed light on why their initial reaction is frequently not the most sympathetic one. Preparing yourself before the conversation. 

It is a good idea to get emotionally grounded before you speak with your parents. Quietly ask yourself:What am I asking now? Understanding? Permission? Support? Or just honesty?

Also, be prepared for this fact. In the beginning, they might not react as you wish. Remind yourself that it is okay to need help even if it is not immediately understood. Simple language is most effective and there is no need for heavy labels or long explanations.

Here are some example sentences you can use:

“I’ve had the feeling of being overwhelmed for a long time.”

“I am doing my best, but it is becoming difficult for me to manage on my own.”

“I believe that seeing a professional might help me get better.”

Also, it is good to give them gentle reassurance:                                                                

“This is not about blaming anyone.”

“It doesn’t make me a weak person.”

“I’m just trying to do what is good for me.”

Try to refrain from using words that sound like accusations even if you are the one who is hurting. After all, you are talking about your wellbeing, not the issue of who is right or wrong. If they decide to initially ignore or refuse you, it can be very invalidating if your parents mock, downplay or reject your feelings. However, you can still reply to them in a calm and firm way:

“I know it is difficult for you to agree with what I say.”

“But this is something that matters to me.”

“I am not expecting you to grasp the whole thing today but please, just respect my requests.”

There are times parents simply need time, there are times they change their opinion, and there are times they don’t. However, their refusal does not erase your pain and the fact that you deserve care.

Holding your ground without being disrespectful. Being respectful does not mean you have to keep quiet. Holding your position

with composure is not an act of defiance. Respect is not about being silent. Being calm and unshakable is not being a rebel. You can admit their fear and remain firm in your decision.

“I understandyou are scared. But this is what I need right now.”

If you are mentally ill, it is not because of character flaws, lack of effort, or bad upbringing. You are just hurting, and it is normal to take care of your emotional wounds, just as you take care of your physical wounds by seeing a doctor.

Final thought

A good number of people who needed help, but did not ask for it, regret it. Few regret the moment they did. If your parents get it, fantastic. If not, it hurts but it’s not a judgement on you. You are not weak for desiring support. You are not hurt for your feelings. And here is something important: You are not alone in this struggle.

Looking after your mental health is not betraying your family. Rather, it is an act of responsibility towards yourself. And that matters.

Author:

Prishika Jain, 

Counselling Psychologist, Harmony Mind Clinic. 

Phone: +91 9326652219.